I was 20 when I got pregnant I remember having a hard time telling friends I was pregnant because our society has placed us in a tight corner where if you get pregnant out of wedlock you are either evil, a bad influence or stupid -I mean don’t you know where to get an abortion? But it has happened can we move forward, please ? Then the really rude and dumb questions start coming in like … gosh. Well below are 10things you shouldn’t ask or if at all you have to ask to do it nicely to a young/unmarried mom.
Do you regret having kids so young?
Wow, why do you even have to ask this question? First I hate the word “regret.” But I won’t advise you too tho cos 20’s are for finding and building yourself and probably not the time to bring a baby into this world. But I will say I am glad I had my daughter. She has changed my life for the better and she has made me want to be a better version of myself.
Is the father in the picture at all?
No, not really, he might not be the most amazing father on earth but everyone has there struggled and I hope he comes around. Not all young dads are deadbeats.
How did your parents react when you told them?
My mom screamed hallelujah !! for an African mom Wawu!! She was actually really excited like most people who learn they’re going to be grandparents but not the happiest because I hadn’t achieved the major stage before becoming a mom which is graduating from Uni. But please what is your business? Are you planning to also get pregnant so you can imagine how they would react?
If you could go back, would you change anything?
Some even go as far as asking if she’s a burden to me lol. How would you feel if your mother told you she would never have had you if she could go back in time? It’s kind of like she’s saying you screwed up some part of her life.
Your life must be so hard. I mean, pregnancy and nurturing a baby at a young age isn’t easy, especially with little or no support. But it’s really not as bad as it seems. In fact, it’s not bad at all. I don’t mind questions about school/life balance, because those are important things, but do not assume my life sucks because I have a child. Nah not at all
Was it planned?
That is really none of your business. In fact, some older women get pregnant without planning, and some young women choose to have babies early. Whether it was planned or not the baby is here can we start planning for that?
“YOU’RE NOT MOTHER MATERIAL”
Oh no! Just because someone may not measure up to another person’s standard of motherhood doesn’t mean that she is not “mother material.” What does it even mean to be mother material? Is she not kind enough? Calm enough? Loving enough? Confident enough? Accommodating enough? I don’t even understand this statement and what annoys me most is that it comes from people that know nothing about being a mother. It’s unfair and completely rude.
The truth is motherhood changes a woman. Painfully, and beautifully, it will change her. Motherhood will change her into a better version of herself. It will make her warmer, selfless, and more compassionate. Motherhood will push her beyond her comfort zone and introduce her to a kind of love she’s never experienced before. Just because you might have seen me do some inappropriate things before being a mom or getting pregnant doesn’t mean I am not capable of being “mother material”
“YOU’RE NOT READY”
Says who? The pregnancy god? I might be young but from the moment I decided I was keeping her, I knew every part of me was ready or had to be ready
Telling a young mother that she is “not ready” is completely unfair and can make her feel incapable or not enough, motherhood may be an unpredictable journey, but we think it’s completely worth going after. So don’t even say it Cos we know we have to be ready for the ups and down we don’t need a reminder
SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR SOCIAL LIFE”
Sorry, what? I remember someone trying to make me feel bad by saying this just to remind me that the chilling life is over (LOL). This statement is beyond irritating and bothers me so much! Yes, we understand that being a mom can be a full-time job, but it’s still very possible to take some time out from the baby to spend with family, friends or even alone. Motherhood does not equal a life that you cannot enjoy, so why does this statement even come out of people’s mouths? This is something I would never understand.
SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR BODY”
Is that so? , oh really, Look, everyone struggles to get their body back. Even celebrities that got all the fitness coaches, personal chefs and waist-trimming virtues money can buy. Yes, having a baby may give women new curves, lumps, bumps and most-definitely a new number on the scale, but that doesn’t mean the body won’t forget how to transform back to its pre-pregnancy shape. It may take more time than before and more work (thanks to those hormones), it doesn’t mean it won’t
So next time you see /meet a young/unmarried mom be nice with your words you might never know what struggles they are going through. Thank you for reading.
Kindly send your ideas, opinions and question or better still questions you have been asked let’s talk