“ANALYZING THE HOI POLLOI”-20 Basic Facts about African parents-S1 EP2
June 29, 2016
Today the focus is actually on the African parents. Basically I’ll tell you the truth and facts about African parents. If you are an African parent and you are reading this well lol😂.
1. Your parents are basically demi-gods. It doesn’t matter if you learned that the sky is blue. If your parents say the sky is orange, the sky is in fact, orange. At least, in their presence.
2. Your parents will seldom ever admit they are wrong. And if and when they do, you will be too stunned to even believe it.
3. Your grandparents are the only people who can put your parents in their place. (And you will enjoy those moments.)
4. Your house is a free for all. At some point a relative, twice-removed, will be invited to stay for an extended-period of time.
5. You will likely be raised the old-fashioned way -“you spare the rod, you spoil the child” kind of old-fashioned way. In your adulthood, you’ll largely be grateful for it and you’ll always be able to tell the difference between people who were raised the same way and people who were not.
6. God help you if you’re living under your parent’s roof and you yell at them, slam a door in anger, and/or curse in their presence. Yeah, God help you.
7. The youngest child will be blamed for everything….until he or she is able to talk.
8. The oldest child will be blamed for everything that the younger children do.
9. If you cry while being accused of something, it is assumed that you are guilty.
10. Your parents will call you from upstairs, downstairs, outside, etc., to hand them something that is literally 10 centimeters away from them.
11. You will not leave your parents’ home without learning how to cook.
12. Religious attendance and practice is not an option.
13. Everyone who is older than you is your “auntie” or “uncle.” Calling them by their first name is basically a crime against humanity.
14. You will probably never meet all of your extended family because there are just so many of them.
15. This one specifically applies to most Nigerians (although I have to hand it to papa and mama Kupolati for not putting this kind of pressure on us): Doing well in school is not an option and by doing well, parents have expectations that you will be the best at everything. Example: If you get a 98%, they might ask, “What happened to the other 2%?” If you get a B, your parents will likely ask, “The person who got an A, do they have three heads?” Just do well in school.
16. Your friends better greet your parents first when they see them or that friendship is pretty much over. R-E-S-P-E-C-T is H-U-G-E.
17. Sleepovers at friends’ houses are mythical tales or basically only happen when your parents have known the family’s family since the beginning of time.
18. Another mythical tale – being in a serious relationship with anyone when you’re in your teens. And until your parents believe you are of, “courtship age,” they will refer to anyone you are dating as, “your friend.”
19. You will still be expected to have a traditional engagement/marriage regardless of where the person you’re marrying is from. (Have fun explaining the details of that to all your significant others!)
20. Your parents will talk to you in a lot of proverbs and metaphors. Like “He who drives his fathers car has no say among those who own bicycles”
Do you think it’s true though? Does this ever occur to you?