Introduction to the Gods: Welcome to Nigerian Politics

Please be advised, this is not to pursue any spiritual religious concoctions or connotations. Our religion strongly is tied to the State.

Contrary to whatever you might have believed from when you conceived your first thoughts as a human, being alive and staying alive are the key elements of the greatest religion. How, you ask? Its quite simple, we have always worshiped ourselves. I think we justify this by saying “as long as you’re on this planet, you’ve got to love yourself”. So we adhere strictly to certain rituals and standards visible in daily hygiene, dressing, feeding and most especially protecting body and mind. This is however a strong deviation from my original plan.

In my years on this planet, I have come to understand that  it is impossible to proclaim a strict adherence to practicing no religion. I hold this truth to be firmly so because consensus definitions of religion agree that a being must be regarded in high esteem, certain rituals must be performed and in many cases, such a being is held accountable for fortunes or misfortunes. My reasoning simply posits that as human beings we practice the religion of Self. That is, we are the beings that we regard in the highest esteem (forget what your brain just told you, if someone told you to kill your only son whom you waited countless years to bear, would you?), we perform rituals for our bodies everyday, starting from hygiene to feeding and excretion and you blame yourself for the results of all your actions and inactions.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this does NOT discredit the existence of God (when I’m not mad).

My belief is that religion was orchestrated by some above average intellects who saw that man had become far too dangerous and that the conscience and other machinery of the state didn’t seem able to handle the problem. so they decided to instill in people the fear of an entity who rewards good behaviour on earth with paradise and bad behaviour with eternal suffering. Unfortunately, a supernatural realm occurs in reality and a few of these men were able to channel powers from this realm to perform feats that no ordinary human can perform. This was to convince humans who will naturally ask you for proof of any fact you proclaim. With this power, they could orchestrate a political ruling class and human beings were spared from self-destruction – in partial fulfillment of their practice of the religion of Self.

In a rather unfortunate and predictable outcome of events, people die and those who orchestrated this reality to cage the beasts in humans eventually died and somewhere down the line their successors became the very beings that religion was created to avoid. They used their power to lord humans and thus they orchestrated theocracy and absolute monarchy. Theocracy is a form of government that stipulates that the priestly class handle the day-to-day affairs of government because they were the only class of people who received instructions from the supernatural – they could do no wrong. The divine rights theory of kings suggests that the kings were chosen by the supernatural to handle government (and who would know better the mind of the supernatural than the priestly class you wonder). This is an easy one, either one of the priests becomes king or they would choose someone they can control.

Human beings being intelligent and observant, it mustn’t have taken long for people to see how much these classes were having fun and so they devised ways to overthrow the powers that be in a series of moral and amoral actions depending on the behaviour of those in power. This is my groundwork and operational theory for government.

Oral history records that when the Africans first came in contact with the white folks, our ancestors assumed that the Europeans must have been gods who came to visit them (evident from the colour of their skins and hair). On the other hand European records suggest that with Superior technology and arsenal and a need to help, our ancestors were subjugated and forced to become colonial territories. The Europeans thus became our third gods in the confines of what we know as Nigeria (the first being the Supernatural, the second being the humans that could access these powers) and what they gave us was the power to dominate lands beyond the imaginations of any god-king of West Africa and to have the right to do so without having to penetrate into the that tightly organised group of individuals.

After the exit of the Europeans, the government was left to be tended by Nigerians who had no idea of the history or understanding of its creation and maintenance which spells doom. Mismanagement of this new power was inevitable and in a short while the military took over and we all know how the story goes with coups, counter-coups and corruption (if you do not know the story, please consult google).

Gods are known for their absolute power and long-term involvement at the helm of affairs and if you know the story (or you consulted google), you will find the same names constantly shuffling through the series of military regimes and civilian administrations (like playing concurrent games of chess with a sibling – the pieces on the board don’t change although tactics do).

My final position is this, Nigerian politics is unfortunately a religion run by certain individuals who by all standards have become gods, unchanging through times because of their many different antics to remain in power. My first evidence is the present Head of State, Baba Buhari who is 74 years old as I write this and he was Head of State 1983-1985. Second is Baba Obasanjo (I love this man tho) who was Head of State twice also. Nigerian history is so interesting because there has been a host of politicians who have their names recurrent in history. We have to watch out for the last names mostly because we have had fathers handing over to sons in what is a low key Democratic Monarchy (through rigging of course). These names are the gods. We worship them every time we vote for someone else and they still win.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury I hope your vision has been unclouded, the gentlemen in power are not there for you. They are the gods whom we worship with our votes and taxes. I agree with Karl Marx, they are there for their own selfish ends and if we want something, we must take it!

Abi in a location of 170 million people, my question is “shey we cannot see somebody to do the job other than the gods?”

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